They say friends are family members we get to choose for ourselves. And we all know how dysfunctional family can be. Yet, we can go from talking/hanging with someone every day to never talking to them again. But that’s fine right? Or nah?
I can’t speak for you, but making friends has never been at the top of my list. It has a lot to do with the fact that I grew up with a big family. And we didn’t just get to together for reunions, we got together almost every weekend! So, I never had the urge to make friends. Don’t get me wrong, I had friends, but I picked them and I picked very few.
Between the years of 04-08, I went to live with my Popz side of my family. So, I didn’t get to hang with my cousins and childhood friends as much
. Then, when I moved back, I wasn’t the same and neither were they. As a result, I started cutting people off and distancing myself. I didn’t discriminate either, it was family and friends alike.
I think that happens a lot in relationships. When life starts hitting us, (and most times, it hits us all in a different way), we get defensive. It’s just our nature, to come out swinging and sometime as a result we don’t care who gets hit. And because it hits us all differently, we feel as though people aren’t there for us when we need them the most. Not necessarily because they left or didn’t try to reach out but because we believe they wouldn’t understand.
As far as where I am now, I would love to have some people to chill with. Yet, I’m not the best mingler. Small talk isn’t something I do. I can’t just walk up to people and start talking to them, unless I have A VERY STRONG URGE to do so. It’s awkward to and for me.
The fact that I have trust issues, probably doesn’t help either, huh? *shrug* I just don’t trust a person as far as I can see them. Two-faced is a real personality trait to me. If you walked in my shoes, you’d understand.
Don’t get me wrong, I admire those that are overly friendly and can talk with anybody. I feel as though that’s a very special quality. I know a lot of people like that and it amazes me every time I see them in action. But, it’s not who I am. There was a time when it was me, but that little girl died in 2003.
I know that I’m a great friend and I’m not ever intentionally mean to anyone; but I’m just a quite person. If you don’t start a conversation with me, we probably won’t ever have a conversation. UNLESS, I’m extremely moved to do so and the perfect time arrives. It’s nothing against you or that I think I’m better than. I’m just not a small talker but I am a complimenter.
I love to give people compliments! That’s probably the thing that starts every conversation I’ve ever had. But few ever really move past “Thanks!” and “You’re welcome!”
I’m not exactly sure how to change, so I’ve left that in the hands of the Holy Spirit. Because I’ve said, many times, that I was going to try to just walk up to people and start conversations. I never do of course. Truth is, I never know what to say to keep the conversations that I do start going. Because I don’t know them; so here’s my conundrum, how do you get to know someone if you don’t know them enough to get to know them?
Luckily for me, I have a big family and a few friends that love me unconditionally. Headed in the direction that I’m headed in, I’m going to NEED to learn how to network and start conversations with complete strangers. So, I started praying for help in this area, and God sent family and friends back into my life that I believe will help me get to where I need/want to be. People who understand my personality and appreciate it. People who can push me forward and help me up when I fall short.
This is what we all need and want when we look deep within. People that love us unconditionally. Fully, truly, honestly, and genuinely. And we ALL hurt when we love someone in such a way and find out that they don’t/didn’t love us in the same respect. But I’ve learned that everything has its seasons, even relationships.
The Holy Trinity are the ONLY ones that will be with you forever and always. They are the light you search for and find in the deepest of darkness. I can’t speak for everybody, but I know for sure, looking over my life…They’ve ALWAYS been there and have NEVER left!
This work by Jasmine Harris is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Be The Change! 