How to be alone (and love yourself the most!) without feeling lonely in 2016©

There are a lot people (mostly women) that believe that if they’re not in a relationship, their life is ruined. That honestly think, that because they are alone, they are automatically lonely. When in all honesty, loneliness is more of a state of mind than it is a status.

I’ve been single for quite a while now. If I told you how long, you’d like I was the loneliest person you’ve ever met. Actually, it’s the opposite. I have been truly enjoying my alone time. Working on myself, getting to know me better.

Do I get lonely sometimes? Absolutely! Do I ever wish I had someone to share my life with? Duh! Do I get down and depressed about it? Not so much anymore. I guess growing up an only child for the first decade of my life, prepared me to be my own best friend.

As women, we’re programmed as little girls to wish and wait for Prince Charming to ride up on his white horse and be this hero in shining armor. But if you asked 100 women if they’ve ever had such an experience. I’m positive, at least 99% of them haven’t. And the 1% that did, probably saw his true character within a few months. He doesn’t exist ladies, it was an illusion!

As men, you guys are programmed as little boys to wish and want the Beauty Queen. But if you asked 100 men if they’re satisfied with the woman they’re with. I’m positive 90% of them would probably say not really. Because once she takes off all her make-up, takes out her weave and the girdle comes off. She is no longer the woman he lusted after.

Like I said, I’ve been single for a long time and I’m still not in a rush to fall in love. I’ve done my fair share of relationship research and found that is less about the person and more about what you’re willing to accept. What about the person’s character? Most people don’t even stop to think about that part. And it’s the most important part of a person!

There are four things you should do before trying to enter into another relationship!

1. Accept Yourself – First, you must know that you are made in the image of the Most High God! He made you with His own hands. So, accept yourself fully and completely. Yes, that means flaws and all! Both inside and out.
2. Know Your Worth – You are more than a conqueror! You can do all things through Him who strengthens you! Don’t allow someone else to determine your worth when you were already brought for the highest price, that is the blood of Jesus!
3. Be Content – Enjoy your time alone with yourself! How can you expect someone to love being alone with you, if you don’t? Take this time to know what you truly want and need from a relationship. That will insure that you don’t settle for anything less than you deserve.
4. Stay Patient – God’s timing is perfect! He may not show up when we feel He should, but he’s never late. So try to have some patience. Then, when you are in the arms of your soul mate, you’ll know that it was worth the wait.Again, I’m not certified expert. I’m just paying attention. I’ve seen A LOT of relationship that failed and that are extremely unhealthy. And in each of those relationships, one or both of the duo lacked one of these four things. They didn’t love themselves (so of course they didn’t know their worth) or they weren’t content with being by themselves (because of lack of patience).My point is, don’t jump into a relationship just because you don’t want to be lonely. Because there are too many people that are in relationships RIGHT NOW and are extremely lonely. So please believe, you don’t have to be alone to be lonely. You can be lonely even in a crowd of people. It’s all about how you feel about yourself.

   Copyright 2016

ATTRACTION: It all starts with the mind!

 

Don’t get me wrong, you should ALWAYS try to LOOK your best. But it’s not enough to just be pretty or handsome. A real man/woman wants MORE than just a cute face or nice body.

They want someone they can GROW with! Learn/Teach something NEW! Have an intelligent conversation with!

People with their heads on straight and lives headed in the right direction don’t care about what happened on “Love & Hip Hop” last week. They care about what’s going on in the world! They’re THINKING of ways to make it a better place!

GET YOUR MIND RIGHT AND YOU’LL GET YOUR LIFE RIGHT!

REACH OUT: The simplest things can go a long way!

There’s nothing like getting a text that brightens your day! I don’t think people realize how such a small gesture can truly affect someone’s day. Just a simple, “I hope you have a blessed day! Don’t sweat the small stuff!”, can improve someone’s entire aura!

I used to be that person that wrote everyone in my phone just to tell them I loved them or that I was thinking about them. Not because I wanted something or because I had a hidden objective. I did it…JUST BECAUSE!

Then, I became depressed because of the turn my life took and I stopped. Deep down, I was hoping and wishing that someone would send me those types of text. But they never came and that only made me cut everyone off. Nobody ever called or texted to see how I was doing. Still today, if I don’t reach out to people…I probably won’t talk to them. But I’ve decided that I’m going to start sending my random text again.

I may not get them in return but it’ll make my day just to make someone else feel special.

Sometimes we have to step outside of our bubbles and realize that WE ALL are going to have times that we need to lean on one another. WE ALL have bad days. WE ALL need encouragement, support, motivation, and inspiration sometimes. WE ALL want to feel like we’re special. WE ALL want to know if that “special someone” is thinking about us like we’re thinking about them.

WE ARE ALL HUMAN! We all want to be loved and cherished. Reach out to someone! Rather it’s a family member, a childhood friend, or just someone that you walk past everyday at work. I bet you’ll put a smile on their face!

Oh, by the way!

I love you and I hope your day is filled with blessings!

RACISM IS STILL ALIVE: We have to reach COMMON ground!

I don’t agree with Common on this one. It doesn’t make much sense to me. Simply because why should “Blacks” be the ones to extend a hand of “Love”?

I could list a million reasons why it should definitely be the other way around. If my memory serves me correctly, Black people have NEVER hung whites. BUT I know how EASILY people FORGET! So, I’ll just suggest reasons why I think BOTH sides NEED to extend a hand of Love!

1.) BOTH have misconceptions of each other. White people believe that ALL black people are criminal minded and violent. Black people believe that ALL white people are prejudice and privileged. When in actuality, there are people on both sides with these traits.

2.) BOTH have dysfunctions. Whites and Blacks both have deep, dark family secrets. Whites and Blacks both have mental health issues. Whites and Blacks both have flaws.

3.) BOTH have been brainwashed by the media. Whites are “portrayed” to be “the vision of perfection”. While, Blacks are “characterized” to be “the vision of oppression”. It’s not hard to see that most black roles are written to enforce stereotypes.

4.) BOTH sides have members that just refuse to get with the times. There are still some Whites that are racist and see ALL black people as a threat to them. There are still some Blacks that have “slave” mentalities. And see white people as slave drivers/owners.

5.) BOTH sides need to get with the program! It is now 2015 and somehow there are still people who are stuck in 1915. Although, I will say that we’ve made progress towards becoming a better country. But we still are miles away.

I’ve never understood racism personally. It seems like such a small-minded concept to me. That you would limit one race of people to make your race seem superior. It’s really backwards to me.

I’ve seen that when we all come together for the same common goal, we get more done. Faster. We realize how much we truly have in common. Most of us realize, that our government has so much to do with the state in which this country is in. But we as citizens have the power to change that. There is strength in numbers.

IMAGINE THIS: We as citizens took it upon ourselves to make things right. We chose to treat each other the way we want to be treated. We stopped judging people by their appearance/status but by their actions/mentality. We stop allowing the media to form our opinions and start thinking for ourselves. We continue to make efforts to understand one another, rather than making assumptions.

When it comes down to it…We ALL have flaws. We ALL have problems. We ALL are humans. NO ONE PERSON IS ABOVE OR BELOW THE NEXT PERSON. We should ALL stand TOGETHER, side by side. Arm in arm.

It’s been said many time in many ways and in many countries…

UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE FALL!

No New Friends…Few REAL Friends

They say friends are family members we get to choose for ourselves. And we all know how dysfunctional family can be. Yet, we can go from talking/hanging with someone every day to never talking to them again. But that’s fine right? Or nah?

I can’t speak for you, but making friends has never been at the top of my list. It has a lot to do with the fact that I grew up with a big family. And we didn’t just get to together for reunions, we got together almost every weekend! So, I never had the urge to make friends. Don’t get me wrong, I had friends, but I picked them and I picked very few.

Between the years of 04-08, I went to live with my Popz side of my family. So, I didn’t get to hang with my cousins and childhood friends as much. Then, when I moved back, I wasn’t the same and neither were they. As a result, I started cutting people off and distancing myself. I didn’t discriminate either, it was family and friends alike.

I think that happens a lot in relationships. When life starts hitting us, (and most times, it hits us all in a different way), we get defensive. It’s just our nature, to come out swinging and sometime as a result we don’t care who gets hit. And because it hits us all differently, we feel as though people aren’t there for us when we need them the most. Not necessarily because they left or didn’t try to reach out but because we believe they wouldn’t understand.

As far as where I am now, I would love to have some people to chill with. Yet, I’m not the best mingler. Small talk isn’t something I do. I can’t just walk up to people and start talking to them, unless I have A VERY STRONG URGE to do so. It’s awkward to and for me.

The fact that I have trust issues, probably doesn’t help either, huh? *shrug* I just don’t trust a person as far as I can see them. Two-faced is a real personality trait to me. If you walked in my shoes, you’d understand.

Don’t get me wrong, I admire those that are overly friendly and can talk with anybody. I feel as though that’s a very special quality. I know a lot of people like that and it amazes me every time I see them in action. But, it’s not who I am. There was a time when it was me, but that little girl died in 2003.

I know that I’m a great friend and I’m not ever intentionally mean to anyone; but I’m just a quite person. If you don’t start a conversation with me, we probably won’t ever have a conversation. UNLESS, I’m extremely moved to do so and the perfect time arrives. It’s nothing against you or that I think I’m better than. I’m just not a small talker but I am a complimenter.

I love to give people compliments! That’s probably the thing that starts every conversation I’ve ever had. But few ever really move past “Thanks!” and “You’re welcome!”

I’m not exactly sure how to change, so I’ve left that in the hands of the Holy Spirit. Because I’ve said, many times, that I was going to try to just walk up to people and start conversations. I never do of course. Truth is, I never know what to say to keep the conversations that I do start going. Because I don’t know them; so here’s my conundrum, how do you get to know someone if you don’t know them enough to get to know them?

Luckily for me, I have a big family and a few friends that love me unconditionally. Headed in the direction that I’m headed in, I’m going to NEED to learn how to network and start conversations with complete strangers. So, I started praying for help in this area, and God sent family and friends back into my life that I believe will help me get to where I need/want to be. People who understand my personality and appreciate it. People who can push me forward and help me up when I fall short.

This is what we all need and want when we look deep within. People that love us unconditionally. Fully, truly, honestly, and genuinely. And we ALL hurt when we love someone in such a way and find out that they don’t/didn’t love us in the same respect. But I’ve learned that everything has its seasons, even relationships.

The Holy Trinity are the ONLY ones that will be with you forever and always. They are the light you search for and find in the deepest of darkness. I can’t speak for everybody, but I know for sure, looking over my life…They’ve ALWAYS been there and have NEVER left!

This work by Jasmine Harris is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.